This site is a mixture of personal and public. It is a mixture of wandering aimlessly and searching purposefully. I work in Asia supporting communities who want to preserve their history and culture. As the same time, I am surviving (almost) unbearable losses, and am trying to find meaning and purpose in my life again. Trauma kept me numb and locked in a crisis management mode for too many years as I adjusted to catastrophic, cruel, and reiterating losses. I am only just beginning the process of active grieving long after the losses began. I learned that grief needs to be shared in order to be integrated, and that in being vulnerable and connected I might find a life again, but I also might help others find their life after loss too and that gives my suffering purpose. There is no answer to grief, there is no clear path of recovery and healing. The bereft teach us things and life and humanity teaches us other things. But grief cannot occur in a vacuum. In order to grieve we have to connect. In order to connect we have to connect to ourselves. And connecting to ourselves creates an invitation to the tidal wave of unbearable pain that was held at bay through the period of coping that comes after loss. In order to heal, we often have to descend even farther into the unbearable. I have no answers, but questions I have learned to ask as I go. This is my journey, it is a solitary passage, but I’m happy to have companions with me as I go, so please join me and feel free to contribute to the body of knowledge that comes from experience. And thank you for bearing witness to my journey when most people, including myself, would rather simply look away.