Journal Entry 12.25.23

And like an abrupt guillotine, Christmas falls and all the attachment, the pain, the dysfunction returns. It was like the hot rush of a subway train, dank with stale air, forcing dirt and soot into my eyes blinding me to all the love and joy and connection I have made in the past 4 months. It attached me again to all the ugliness, the longing, the grief, the pain, the suffering, the fear, the loneliness. It almost took me under, but this time I had the good sense to run away. I ran into the arms of my lover, I ran to the forest, to the trees, to the rocks, to sound of the owl above the swamp. The forest, like it has done timeless times before saved me, as did love and connection. My love, sitting next to me in the forest, listening to sounds, looking for bird and animal life, waiting, waiting, for the gifts of the forests to reveal themself (and they always do). This time I paid attention to the gifts of my lover. Wait. Wait. Don’t rush. Don’t be afraid. Don’t run away.