Journal Entry 9.27.23

Now I am in Kathmandu. My journey begins for real. I am no longer in the preparation stage. This is where my work must really begin. I catch myself with binding thoughts, thoughts originating in grief and loss. I catch myself fighting to limit myself and remain bound to old thoughts and I have to do the opposite, so I begin my prayer, my mantra: “I unbind myself….” and I imagine letting go. It is no more sophisticated than that, but it is the beginning of my attempts to do better, to actually try and manifest change to a system ingrained into my very DNA. I am trying to transform myself.

How does a phoenix will itself to burst into flames? Can it control its transformation? Or is it determined by the fates? Does the phoenix give over to its next incarnation? Or is it a choice at all?