Journal Entry 10.5.23

We heard news that the next landslide was particularly dangerous. There was a European Buddhist nun and monk who had crossed the landslide a day before and the monk was so traumatized they did not continue. We decided to let the rains recede, let the mud become firm again in the sun, and we could do part of our training while we waited out the weather (and I my fatigue).

It is hard to admit physical infirmity. I am not strong, or particularly in shape. For whatever reason I have always gotten altitude sickness really easily. To climb from 2,000 to 10,000 feet for me is nothing short of epic. I made the decision to do the trek to limit the altitude sickness that would hit me if I flew in directly from sea level. Some of the people on this trek are very fit and have a schedule to keep. Others are elderly, but have done dozens of treks. I feel like a fish out of water. I feel like I should be fitter. I feel like I should not have vulnerabilities. But there is no hiding from altitude. There is no hiding from exhaustion. Trekking for me is a study in vulnerability. Each step I feel. Each step I focus on my unbinding. If I cannot, then I focus on the mantra Om mani padme om for the benefit of all sentient beings. I try not to think about my misery or how far we have to go or if I will pass out from lack of oxygen and exhaustion before we reach our destination.