Journal Entry 10.8.23

We have arrived in Upper Tsum. I noticed over the days as I climbed I gradually went from focusing on my unbinding prayer, to slowing including “Om mani padmi om”, the chant for the enlightenment of all sentient beings. A bodhisattva prays, not for their own enlightenment, but sacrifices their own enlightenment for the enlightenment of all. Eventually, my prayers reduced to “I unbind myself” and “Om mani padme om”. Both prayers have almost the same number of syllables. I think there is something in that. One cannot contribute to others when they are bound up in fear and loss and betrayals, and such things.

Occasionally, I would find myself fixating on something specific and fearful, be it anger or attachment or betrayal or longing. I would focus on that feeling in the moment. “I unbind myself from the longing I have to feel safe.” I unbind myself from the desire to feel included.” But in general I am finding I am less attached to the feelings of grief and loss that were haunting me.

Over the next few weeks, I will try to create an offering that I will throw into the river to release myself from these attachments. Then I will begin writing a new prayer, an aspiration to carry me forward to allow myself to feel valuable and centered in who I am.