Journal Entry 12.3.23

I wish I could banish grief. I have learned a lot during this project. Yes, grief can be transformed, but it cannot be forgotten. It can be a companion, a painful, tender, domineering companion that overwhelms and burdens you. It can be a quiet companion, walking three steps behind or standing in the shade, just outside your peripheral vision. It can be a memory that lingers, but it never vanishes. When loss occurs one is not unscathed.

I wish I could erase the pain. But I cannot. My pain has continued to transform and I have made an effort that changes it like a lump of clay into a figure or an abstract form, but the form remains. Grief is heavy and damp, but instead of being my Siamese twin, tripping me up and clinging to me, I have separated its form from mine and it has become my shadow, my companion. I have been released, but I have not be made unscathed.

Wait…wait. Patience and persistence will continue the process.